Things have been rough lately. By "lately" I mean the last 10 or 12 months. It began about a year ago, the Huz started paperwork with the state to test for his paramedic license (a license that he held in another state and with National Registry for years). It seemed pretty cut and dry and I meticulously followed the instructions for his application and submitting all relative certificates to prove his education, etc, etc. only to be denied repeatedly without valid explanation by a woman who never returned our phone calls. To you, dear lady in the Department of Health, I hope a cat vomits in your favorite pair of shoes. I beat your bullshit with the help of the State of Colorado - shout out to all you chill CO folks. It took months of jumping through hoops just to obtain permission to test in the state. Then a few more months of study prep. Finally, the test - which he passed. In my mind, I kept thinking "one step at a time" and "once this is done, we can enjoy some free time". Only, each step led to another step and another big, deep, mental breath from yours truly. "Yes, I'll rearrange my schedule to accommodate your new work/training schedule". "Yes, I'll be the only parent our kids see approximately 71% of the week". "Yes, I still have to work to earn my paycheck but I'll do it from home during naptimes and after the kids go to bed and at any given time that you're home because its my only option and omg, why do I feel like my head is going to explode?!". Just when I felt like I couldn't possibly give anymore, another circumstance would arise that would require me to keep bending and keep giving. No wonder I'm feeling a tad bitter towards nearly every living being in my life. Except the dog. The dog is awesome.
I am overwhelmed and as a result I find myself occasionally crying in the parking lot of a restaurant I just drove to but don't want to eat at. I've expended every last brain cell on everyone else that I can't even decide on what to eat for dinner. Sometimes I go in and I see the realization in the server's eyes...they can tell I've been crying...but no one asks because its awkward...and I know that....so we don't make eye contact...and we pretend everything is fine. Sometimes we both direct attention to the Dude and the Hooligan because seriously, they're so cute when they're not being rotten. But sometimes, I go in and the server is a mother and she knows. She sees the stress because she's been there. Its an innate quality of motherhood to know without a word being said. Today, Susan knew. She understood why I placed the entire order of food the second she asked what I'd like to drink. She knew there was a time limit for two perpetual motion little boys to behave in a restaurant and that once it went south, there was only one adult to drag them both out. I bet she even knew that I'd love to eat my food while its fresh and hot. Susan was amazing. She barely left with the order before she was back with food, serving it up, and bringing everything we could have needed. She came back to check on us several times. She talked to my kids. She waited on us like a mother does. I left a 55% gratuity. She called after me as I was leaving, thanking me. No, Susan, THANK YOU.
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