Other mothers

Things have been rough lately.  By "lately" I mean the last 10 or 12 months.  It began about a year ago, the Huz started paperwork with the state to test for his paramedic license (a license that he held in another state and with National Registry for years).  It seemed pretty cut and dry and I meticulously followed the instructions for his application and submitting all relative certificates to prove his education, etc, etc. only to be denied repeatedly without valid explanation by a woman who never returned our phone calls.  To you, dear lady in the Department of Health, I hope a cat vomits in your favorite pair of shoes.  I beat your bullshit with the help of the State of Colorado - shout out to all you chill CO folks.  It took months of jumping through hoops just to obtain permission to test in the state.  Then a few more months of study prep.  Finally, the test - which he passed.  In my mind, I kept thinking "one step at a time" and "once this is done, we can enjoy some free time".  Only, each step led to another step and another big, deep, mental breath from yours truly.  "Yes, I'll rearrange my schedule to accommodate your new work/training schedule".  "Yes, I'll be the only parent our kids see approximately 71% of the week".  "Yes, I still have to work to earn my paycheck but I'll do it from home during naptimes and after the kids go to bed and at any given time that you're home because its my only option and omg, why do I feel like my head is going to explode?!".  Just when I felt like I couldn't possibly give anymore, another circumstance would arise that would require me to keep bending and keep giving.  No wonder I'm feeling a tad bitter towards nearly every living being in my life.  Except the dog.  The dog is awesome. 
I am overwhelmed and as a result I find myself occasionally crying in the parking lot of a restaurant I just drove to but don't want to eat at.  I've expended every last brain cell on everyone else that I can't even decide on what to eat for dinner.  Sometimes I go in and I see the realization in the server's eyes...they can tell I've been crying...but no one asks because its awkward...and I know that....so we don't make eye contact...and we pretend everything is fine.  Sometimes we both direct attention to the Dude and the Hooligan because seriously, they're so cute when they're not being rotten.  But sometimes, I go in and the server is a mother and she knows.  She sees the stress because she's been there.  Its an innate quality of motherhood to know without a word being said.  Today, Susan knew.  She understood why I placed the entire order of food the second she asked what I'd like to drink.  She knew there was a time limit for two perpetual motion little boys to behave in a restaurant and that once it went south, there was only one adult to drag them both out.  I bet she even knew that I'd love to eat my food while its fresh and hot.  Susan was amazing.  She barely left with the order before she was back with food, serving it up, and bringing everything we could have needed.  She came back to check on us several times.  She talked to my kids.  She waited on us like a mother does.  I left a 55% gratuity.  She called after me as I was leaving, thanking me.  No, Susan, THANK YOU. 

The Frog Story

When I was just a wee lass, I was standing at the sliding glass doors looking out.  Wearing darling little pajamas, I slid the door open (probably to let the dog in) and a tiny green tree frog jumped and stuck to my shirt.  Letting out a mostly silent squeal of horror, I remained mostly frozen until the frog jumped back to the glass.  Since that day I have had a fear of sorts when it comes to frogs.  I still think they are fascinating animals and I love to look at them through glass, however, put me in the same arena as those amphibians and things get ugly.

Post college graduation I worked as an animal keeper at the local zoo.  One of my closest coworker friends was a keeper in the Herps Dept.  I asked her and another keeper to help me finally tackle my fear.  I held all sorts of reptiles and amphibians.  And really, it was no big deal.  Maybe I wanted needed to save face.  I mean, seriously, those Herps guys were brutal when it came time to prank other departments (filling our boots with water and hiding them in our freezer at end of shift so they had allll night to solidify - yes, it really happened, thank you Dustin and Dan).  Regardless, I held frogs and toads with nary a twitch of the eye.


Fast forward to September 16, 2014.  As is the normal routine, I let my dog out on the patio and stepped out to open the screen door for her.  She bee-lined for the pool fence and I heard the distinct 'sploosh' as something jumped into the pool and swam away.  "Damn frogs", I thought as I waited for the dog.  She hurried back to the screen door and headed for the house.  The following is exactly what occurred next as told via chat to my girlfriends:


"Fuuuukkiiiing heeeeellll.  I hate fucking frogs. Hate them. Fuck.  I hate frogs. I just let Stella in and a GD frog jumped from who the fuck knows where kamikaze style toward the open sliding glass door and I was like 'noooooo!!'  And then it jumped on my leg and I was kicking my leg and twisting around and muttering some shit until that fucker unstuck itself from my leg at which point I thought I might need to call 911 for the GD heart attack I was having.  Then we had a face off because that bitch was sitting next to the flip flop that flew off my foot which was also in the direct path to the door.  In order to go inside, away from that sticky, slimy little bitch, I had to move closer to it.  Real funny Mother Nature.  I left the fucking shoe outside.  It was the husband's anyway.  He can get it tomorrow.  I'm not going back out there." 


Now, every. single. time I step out on that patio after dark, I jump through the doorway like an awkward ninja, turn around look at the walls of the house, scan the ground, check the pool fence, and proceed to get goose bumps at the mere thought of another encounter.


I'm scarred for life.


P.S. No animals were hurt during this encounter.  Well maybe me...I'm pretty sure I pulled a muscle freaking the hell out.  In this case though, the attack frog was a Cuban Tree Frog and considered invasive so if anyone ever wants to invent a trap, I will gladly test them on my patio. 


From the good environmental steward part of me:  If you catch an invasive species, it is illegal to release it back to the environment. University of Florida extension office has articles explaining humane methods of dealing with such species.

I'm 35 and rich.

Yep, you read that correctly.  I turned 35 years old this year and I. Am. Rich.  Just not in the conventional sense.  You see, I've read a lot of bucket lists and at one point I had my own.  I don't know where that list is anymore but most of it involved traveling.  I wrote the list 8.5 years ago after a very tough life experience, when I decided I needed to crash my own pity party, find my big girl panties, and stand in the tallest heels I owned.  I mustered up the courage and confidence that I had lost during the previous year and decided to cross one of those destinations off.  Alaska, I'm coming for you!  Fortunately my best friend lived there.....so while it was sort of adventurous, it was also on the safe side.  This is where my wealth begins. 


In Alaska, I spent time with my best friend of 20 years (having a confidant that long is a gift I could not be more grateful for) and while I was there, in the freezing temps of February, I met my now husband.  Since that trip, my bucket list began to fade and something far more valuable began to develop.  A family.  The guy and I ultimately married and we now have two unbelievable boys.  They are the beat of my heart.  I learn from them every day, they help me see things simply and unadulterated, and they absolutely crack me up.  I am so very rich, but wait, there's more.


Sometime around 6 years ago a friend from middle school found me on MySpace.  We chatted now and then but it took a few months before we met up in person.  It was so good to see her again and we had a great time.  I can hardly believe 6 years has flown by!  She has inspired me in countless ways.  She is strong, creative, intelligent, a leader for certain, and has persevered through things no person should ever have to face.  I am a better person for knowing her, that much is simple. 


Through this friend, I have met The Chicas.  A group of brilliant, witty, funny-as-hell, creative, amazing women that have accepted me and all of my attributes both good and bad.  I've heard everyone needs a support system and the old adage "it takes a village"....well these girls are it for me.  They have picked me up, laughed with me, guided me, and allowed me to support them in return.  We works so well together giving perspective and experience and sometimes just the quiet ear to let our troubles flow. 


So here I am.  35 years old.  Married to a genuinely good guy.  Two beautiful kids.  A best friend who...how can I put it into words....we've been friends since we were 15.  Think of all the things you've experienced since you were 15.  Now try to sum it up.  I hope I'm not the only one at a loss for words.  And last but certainly not least, The Chicas.  My life is full of the greatest gifts on earth and I feel love every single day.